Please Note: All episode titles are ones I invented on my own since there were no official sources of titles. On occasion, when the episodes were rerun on the BBC during 1998-2000, titles were given for some episodes. Also, some episodes were titled on the official VHS releases in the late 90's. Where I have been able to find official episode titles, I list them after my own. No episodes in series 6 through 9 have yet had their official titles revealed, to my knowledge.
Over the many years I've been maintaining this guide, a number of people have begun using my episode titles as official titles, including many television stations. Effectively, that means you need to have both sets of titles available to figure out what episode you are watching. I'm very sorry for the confusion; I only wish I'd been able to get to the official titles back in 1992 when I started this guide!
(Note: Jack Haig died suddenly before the start of this series, so a quick replacement was made. It is never seen on screen, but Rene tells us at the opening of 6.1 that "our" Roger Leclerc exchanged places with his brother Ernest in the nick, after going there to visit him. It had something to do with the prison food being better than Madame Edith's cooking)
Note: Series 6 is rarely shown on American television, apparently due to a much higher price for this one set of episodes. Most television stations show either series 1-5 or series 1-5 and 7-9, skipping over series 6. If yours shows series 6, write them and thank them!
Rene is preparing to pay his respects to his dead twin brother, but Michelle warns him not to go to the grave. The Resistance are building a communication center there, which will overcome the German jamming. Meanwhile, there is a new plan for the Airmen to wade down the canal with an upturned tin bath over their heads. Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as airmen and learn just enough English ("fa,fa,fa,fa,fa,fa") to be rescued by the Resistance. Colonel Von Strohm tries to tip Rene off about the Gestapo plans, but to no avail. Fanny announces that newly-freed Ernest and she are getting married.
Meanwhile, Von Klinkerhoffen has become aware of the unusual activities in the churchyard, and has Gruber interrogate Alphonse. The center is made ready that night, so Rene and Edith head for the cemetery. Unfortunately, Gruber and Helga decide to also visit the grave, since Gruber keeps seeing Rene's ghost saying "J' accuse" (or is it Jack Hughes?). Unfortunately, Elaine, the radio operator, has not shown up, so Alphonse gamely tries to work the mechanism. Rene gets caught on the aerial and rises above the gravesite, frightening Helga and Gruber, though Gruber asks for forgiveness and Rene complies...
Rikki Howard as Elaine (the Resistance radio operator)
Quote of the show:
"Mama, when will the happy event take place?"
"As soon as possible after we are married; what a stupid question!" - Edith asking Fanny the key question.
To help alleviate the pain from the previous night's aerial excursion, many people try to massage Rene's back, but to no avail. Gruber confesses to Rene that he saw his twin's ghost, who forgave him for shooting him dead. He also warns Rene about the Gestapo plan and when it will take place. Michelle arrives and berates Rene for breaking the radio, which now has to be set up in Fanny's room. To top it all off, the airmen have still been sitting in the canal all this time.
Meanwhile, Von Klinkerhoffen decides that the regular army should be first with the "disguised as airmen" plan, so he recruits some of Bertorelli's men to be dropped out of a plane and then drop "anise balls" to give the tracking dogs something to follow. Michelle disguises Crabtree as a Resistance girl, and he captures Flick and Von Smallhausen, while Bertorelli's men (who have to be dropped out of the cargo bay since they're all scared of heights) get lost. Bloodhounds could not be acquired, so the Germans have to make do with poodles borrowed from the street walkers. The Gestapo are led to the hiding place, where they encounter the cafe staff disguised as monsters (the makeup artist used to work for Boris Karloff) as the Gestapo make a hasty exit.
Rikki Howard as Elaine (the Resistance radio operator)
John Readman as the lead Italian soldier
Phoebe Scholfield as Michelle's assistant
Quote of the show:
"Are you the men or are you the mice?"
"We are the mice!"
"I see. Now you are the *flying* mice!" - Capt Bertorelli talking his troops into parachuting.
As Crabtree struggles to remove the huge false ears glued to his head from the previous night's disguise, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen are arrested by the Germans while disguised as British Airmen, and try to explain what happened the previous evening (which Von Klinkerhoffen finds amusing). The General also does not believe a message a listening post has picked up (something about Jack and Jill in a bucket). He forces Helga (newly promoted to Lance Corporal) to keep tabs on Flick by marrying him, while the airmen finally make their way down the canal to the rendezvous. Helga spends all afternoon seducing Flick (who is actually quite shy). Michelle informs our heroes that they know they will be at the rendezvous when they see a goose with flashing eyes and smoke coming out of its tail. The Cafe staff rows to the estuary while the airmen once again get lost. The goose has a phone on it over which the submarine commander says they can't wait for the airmen any longer. Meanwhile, the Germans have to halt their search for the airmen when the periscope of the sub comes up right through their boat and sinks it.
Richard Seymour as the German guard who delivers flowers
David Griffin as the Submarine commander
Tim Brown as the Submarine lieutenant
Quote of the show:
"Take me Herr Flick, I am in the flood of my youth!"
"This I can see - in fact, some of it is spilling over." - Helga seducing Herr Flick.
The soggy Germans and the airmen end up on the same bank together, where the British airmen are promptly captured. Unfortunately, Bertorelli is the only one with enough English to communicate with them (he's seen plenty of Humphrey Bogart pictures), so he uses the translation dictionary, which has mixed results. Rene and Edith are brought in, but fortunately the airmen deny having known them. Helga is ordered to break off her engagement with Flick, while we learn that the airmen are to be put on a train for Berlin by Nazi Intelligence in the morning. Rene tries to communicate with London, but mice have eaten the code book.
Gruber then stops by to secretly inform Rene about the airmen and gives him the keys to both the chateau and the cell. Michelle devises a plan to fool the guards by dressing as undertakers and carrying out the airmen in coffins (as they pretend to be dead, as in episode 2.6). Meanwhile, Flick and Von Smallhausen disguise themselves as Capt. Heisengerkin and Field Marshall Von Crackenfart to also capture the airmen. Unfortunately, the coffin plan has a few setbacks: Alphonse and Leclerc get into a sword duel while Crabtree drops one of the coffins down the stairs. Von Klinkerhoffen hears the noises, but fortunately Gruber is able to just barely cover for our heroes, who make a hasty exit (aborting the rescue plan) while the Gestapo men are arrested for impersonating army officers.
David Lloyd as a German guard
Trevor T Smith as the German guard who challenges the Gestapo.
Quote of the show:
"I hope this does not happen on the honeymoon!"
"Why not? Nothing else will happen." - Leclerc complaining to Fanny about the intrusion of using the radio.
Only one thing keeps Rene from legging it to Spain after last night: there is not enough money in the till. Gruber pays another visit and says that fortunately the Intelligence officers will be arriving by car instead, while the General is off visiting Big Bertha (the gun, not his bit of stuff). Colonel Von Strohm interrogates Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen, but cannot give them their punishment, since Himmler calls and wants them released (all thanks to Helga). Michelle wants to hijack the car with the Intelligence officers and then use their uniforms to infiltrate the chateau and get the airmen out. Fanny, Leclerc, and the wheelchair stop the car and the Resistance jumps out with guns pointing. Rene and Edith are (reluctantly) chosen to be the faux officers, and are able to infiltrate the chateau. Unfortunately, the airmen end up handcuffed to the wrists of Rene, Edith, and Mimi, and the keys are in Berlin. Added to that, the car needs to be push started, whereupon the brakes jam, as Leclerc madly drives down the road and our moptley crew is stranded in the middle of nowhere.
Rene finds a hacksaw blade, but it breaks. Alphonse arrives with a chisel, but this too breaks, so the group leg it to the police station to have Crabtree free them. Meanwhile, Herr Flick is beginning to feel his career is in danger, so he decides to get his hands on the Fallen Madonna to sell so he can abscond with the money. Unfortunately, because the airmen have escaped, the German officers also have this plan in mind, so they ask Rene about finding them a fence. Flick stops by the cafe and demands the painting be brought to his headquarters tonight. The secret meeting about the painting is held, with Alphonse acting as the fence, and everyone else keeping paper bags on their heads. Fortunately, the painting is traded for the gold cuckoo clock weight.
Out in the cafe, Crabtree has been re-united with a lost love from the academy, who also speaks bad French and is now working for the Resistance. (It is claimed that the reason no one can understand Crabtree is that he is speaking posh French and the people in the village have an accent) Rene has a forgery sent to Flick, while the Germans change their mind about the trade and ask for hard currency. Rene decides to use some of the forged money Leclerc has been hiding in his mattress to trade for the gold. The exchange will be made at the church confessional booth. Unfortunately, Edith comes to confessional and enters Rene's booth. After her confessional, the real priest shows up and ends up getting the gold from the Germans.
Von Klinkerhoffen has returned from Big Bertha a little edgy. He learns about the airmen getting away and concocts a mad plan to blow up the town if the airmen are not returned. Fortunately, Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen learn of this plan as Von Smallhausen enters the chateau (disguised as a boy scout) to steal the map of where the mines are located (one of which is located right under the cafe). Meanwhile, Fanny's & Leclerc's wedding day is at hand, as Michelle devises another plan to get the airmen home, using a marquee to be set up in the backyard of the cafe. A barrage balloon will be brought in, as well as tanks of helium, which are disguised as Algerian vegetable marrows. Fanny is too weak to walk to the church, so her whole bed is pulled down the aisle by Mimi, Yvette, Edith, and the airmen (disguised as bridesmaids). However, the couple soon fall asleep and it's up to Rene and Edith to complete the ceremony for them.
The Germans call on the help of General Von Flockenstuffen to help them with the mine dilemma. At the wedding party, Michelle tells our heroes that the balloon has been rigged under the table and will be inflated after dark. The basket to carry them will be brought in to collect the trash and then later dumped as the airmen leave. The Germans warn Rene about the bomb threat while the Leclercs stumble through their ceremonies at the party. The tanks begin to leak, so a song is played to cover up the noise. Unfortunately, everyone has inhaled the helium, so they all sound like chipmunks!
Herr Flick and Von Smallhausen find one of the mines in the sewer, which they accidentally start ticking. Von Smallhausen tries feverishly to disarm it, but it goes off in his face while Flick is running back up to the surface. Rene finds one in his cellar as well, and tries to tip off the Colonel, but is stopped by Louise. She is now the head of the Communist resistance and says that she had the bomb put there as part of her plan. Von Strohm is baited back to the cafe and he, Flick, and Von Smallhausen are tied to the bomb by the Communists. Von Flockenstuffen arrives (he too seems a bit crazy) and finds out about the bomb threat. He asks the reasoning behind Von Klinkerhoffen's plans, when just then the General enters the room. Von Klinkerhoffen launches into a mad tirade about the superiority of Germany, while Von Flockenstuffen calls the military hospital, fruitcake ward. The balloon is made ready, but then the valve breaks. There is no berth for the balloon, so it has to be tied to the LeClerc's bed. Unfortunately, the bed begins to fly away, right past Von Klinkerhoffen's window at the hospital, where he begins to wonder whether he is crazy.
Yvette disturbs Rene's newly-found peace with the claim that she is pregnant with his child, a "secret" that is known almost instantly by the town, the Germans and even the fighters in England. Still, the true identity of the father remains unknown. Von Strohm, Gruber and Helga concoct a plan for Helga to steal the painting of the Fallen Madonna from Herr Flick. Before turning the painting over to Von Strohm and Gruber (who wish to sell it off and escape to Spain), Helga removes one of the painting's "boobies" to insure her part in the eventual pay-off. Von Klinkerhoffen drops his first hint about his desire to assassinate Hitler, but Von Strohm and Gruber fail to pick up on the idea.
The scene outside fades to the near present. A fancy Mercedes pulls into the square, where an old chauffeur, Von Strohm, opens the door for the rich owners of the car--Helga and Gruber. They enter the cafe to find things amazingly similar. They are told by Rene's young adopted son that he is outside, where Yvette is helping him use the public facility. Everyone ends up meeting in the square, next to the statue of Rene built by Alphonse. Upstairs, an older Mimi attends to the bedridden Edith. Outside, Gruber tells Rene how he became an international art dealer after the war. Rene explains that he never found the painting, which he accidentally misplaced just prior to the invasion. Gruber accidentally strikes the arm of the statue and it breaks, and the rolled-up painting falls out of the concrete statue. Stunned by the sudden recovery of the long-lost art work, everyone enters the cafe to decide how to split up the painting, now worth millions. Rene and Yvette, now carrying the painting, instead sneak over to Gruber's car. Edith, now hobbling down into the square, sees them. ("Rene! What are you doing with that serving girl?!?" ... "You stupid woman....can't you see? I...am...eloping!") The final shot is of the car pulling away from the square, with everyone else in a slow walking chase.
They start with the arrival of Leclerc, Flick and Gruber (1.1), Michelle and her "only once" plans, long lost Maria (1.2), and Rene's first interrogation by Von Klinkerhoffen and eventual shooting (1.5). Next they move to the radio and Gruber's regrets over shooting Rene (6.1), the flying nun (4.4), Crabtree's bad french (2.4), the exploding nose (5.10), Gruber's advances (2.6, the dancing scene), and Rene's near death at the sawmill (5.4). Rene remembers his affairs with the girls, and Fanny and Leclerc and their foldup bed (8.2), Leclerc's disguises, Alphonse's love for Edith (2.4) and Flick's romance with Helga (1.2, where they are both dressed in the same underwear).
All this reminiscing brings the two of them to re-affirm their love for each other, as the two clink glasses and remember the time they sang "Sweet Sixteen" together (5.18).