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'Allo 'Allo - The Characters

Rene Francois Artois

A cafe owner in pastoral Nouvion, France, Rene acts as a reluctant agent for the French Resistance, while still assisting the Germans. Caught between the two sides of the war, Rene is often merely searching for a way to save his skin. Married to the tone-deaf Edith, he is carrying on simultaneous affairs with his two waitresses. He was ordered to be killed during series 1 (shot as a French spy), so he returned to the cafe after faking his death only to play his own "twin brother", also named Rene. Rene loves his cafe (though he has occasionally thought of leaving it in order to get out of the war), is very fond of saving his own life whenever possible, and is apparently irresistably sexy to women. Played by Gorden Kaye.

Edith Melba Artois

The wife of cafe owner and reluctant resistor Rene Artois, Edith is tone-deaf and cannot hold a tune in a bucket - but she still believes she is a musical star and insists on singing songs in the cafe's "cabaret" each night. Most customers either block their ears with cheese, or simply leave. Upon her husband's supposed "death", she became the owner of Cafe Rene, and as a "rich widow", she was then courted aggressively by both Monsieur Alphonse the undertaker and Capt. Bertorelli. Played by Carmen Silvera.

Yvette Carte-Blanche

The lead waitress at Cafe Rene, Yvette has had an affair with Rene since before the show began. She often begs him to run away with her to some remote place like Switzerland where they can live together in bliss, but Rene feels he must regain his Cafe first -- and that means remarrying Edith now that his original self is "dead". Played by Vicki Michelle.
  • "Ohhh... Rene!"

Maria Recamier

Another waitress at Cafe Rene, Maria's last name is tricky to find. In only one episode, she mentions it, and if not for subtitling we wouldn't know how it's spelled at all (see episode 3.3, Secret Passages). Just like Yvette, Maria has also been carrying on an affair with Rene through the years. She has no idea that Rene also loves Yvette, and also believes that Rene should run away with her. She speaks French with an unfortunate tendency to spit when she gargles her "r"s, leaving most listeners damp when she gets excited. She is also very short, so Rene has her stand on a chair in order to hug and caress her. When the cafe staff was imprisoned in the Prisoner of War camp (episode 4.1, Stalag Luft 4), Maria attempted to escape by making a large Red Cross parcel, addressing it to the Cafe, and boxing herself inside it (she is small enough that this would work). Unfortunately, she did not put enough postage on it, and the parcel was returned to Switzerland. We have never heard from her again. Played by Francesca Gonshaw.

Mimi Labonq

After Maria accidentally posted herself to Switzerland, Rene advertised to hire a replacement waitress. Mimi answered the ad, and due to the fact that she was planted as a secret agent for the resistance, she was hired. She is a vicious, bloodthirsty, revenge-seeking killer who wants nothing more than to poison and kill all the "German swine", but she falls instantly in love with Rene and begins an affair with him. Rene handles the situation well - and after all, Mimi is about the same size as Maria. But Mimi sings and dances incredibly well, and even made a bid to replace Madame Edith in the Cafe's cabaret. Played by Sue Hodge.

Fanny La Fan

Madame Edith's frail mother Fanny was once a dancer for the Folie Bergere, and had a beautiful singing voice. Her beauty and voice lured many a young man to her, including a brash young artist named Vincent who gave her paintings and in a fit of jealousy cut off his ear and mailed it to her. But though men sought her hand for many years, her heart belonged to a pair of brothers - Roger & Ernest Leclerc. Unfortunately, the brothers were thieves and forgers and were soon arrested and thrown in jail, and Fanny pined for her lost loves. Years later, as a nearly-bedridden old lady living above her son-in-law's cafe, she was shocked to find that one of her lost loves, Roger Leclerc, had broken out of prison and made his way to the cafe as part of a Resistance plan. Though very old and generally frail, and preferring to keep to her now-motorized wheelchair, she can still wow a crowd on occasion with a song and "dance". Due to her constant presence, the Resistance chose to hide the radio beneath her bed; the speaker is in the chamber pot. When a message is coming in on the radio, the Resistance have wired her bed so the bedknobs flash - but Fanny doesn't understand this and is constantly shocked and scared by the "flashing knobs." Played by Rose Hill.
  • "The flashing knobs!"

Michelle Dubois

Leader of the Nouvion branch of the French Resistance, Michelle is a crafty, clever woman whose ingenious mind comes up with plan after clever plan to capture spies, help airmen escape, photograph maps, and more. The fact that very few of her plans ever succeed surely is not her fault! With a cover identity as the sub-postmistress of the "next village over", Michelle can travel about with nearly complete freedom. When not in some intentional disguise as part of one of her plans, she dresses in what appears to be the unofficial uniform of the French Resistance: black beret and dark brown trenchcoat. She carries a gun and is not afraid to use it, though she rarely has to - her grim determination and unwavering aim are usually enough of a threat to make her will law. Michelle is one of the few people in Nouvion who speak English - she speaks it fluently and often acts as translator for the British airmen. Or for Officer Crabtree, who only thinks he speaks French. She once had to feign a "crush" on Rene to persuade him to remain in the Resistance; he has believed she harbors a secret desire for him ever since. Played by Kirsten Cooke.

Monsieur Alphonse

The owner of the local mortuary, Monsieur Alphonse is one of the richest men in Nouvion, and is proud of his mortuary motto: "Swiftly, and with Style." Despite his age, he is still able to bang (*cough* *cough*) a coffin together, and he offers a number of different funeral plans, most of which are quite expensive. He lives in a small apartment above the mortuary, and hopes some day to have saved enough money to buy himself a small hearse, with a small horse. Monsieur Alphonse began vying for the hand of Madame Edith after her husband Rene was "killed" and his "twin brother Rene" arrived to run the Cafe. He took offense at one of Rene's barbs and challenged the man to a duel. When Rene ran off in fear for his life, Alphonse was taken aside by Michelle of the Resistance and informed that Rene was crucial to their plans for a free France. When Rene returned, Alphonse pledged his undying loyalty to the resistance cause and forgave the insult which had incited the duel. Subsequently, Monsieur Alphonse has been used frequently as a source of funds for resistance plans - usually as ransoms, bribes, or payoffs. The resistance usually treats him delicately, though, because of his "dicky ticker" (weak heart). He was once hospitalized after an interrogation by Helga proved too exciting for him. Played by the late veteran British comedy actor Kenneth Connor.
  • "Swiftly and With Style"
  • "Ohhh.... my dicky ticker!"

Roger Leclerc

A old forger and scoundrel, Roger Leclerc had spent years in the nick when the Resistance helped him escape. They did so to have him forge false identity papers for downed British airmen in furtherance of their escape plans. But he soon is caught up in much more intrigue when he arrives at Cafe Rene to begin his forging task. He meets his long-lost love, Fanny La Fan, now a bedridden old woman. He also is asked to forge the priceless painting of the Fallen Madonna With The Big Boobies, but he turns down the job: he is not a forger of paintings, he is a signature forger. Soon after, he becomes one of the resistance's top agents. A master of disguise in his own mind, he is equally unsuccessful portraying an onion seller, a war veteran, or an itinerant baker, but the Resistance continue to use him to deliver sensitive equipment and papers to the long-suffering Rene. Roger was having fun fooling around with Fanny for a while, but one day he visited his brother Ernest who was still in the nick. His brother told him how good the food was there in jail, and Roger considered that reason enough to switch places with him. After all, he reasoned, it would be much much better than Madame Edith's cooking. Ernest, delighted to be out of prison, took up Roger's role as a Resistance agent and Fanny's lover. Played by the late actor Jack Haig.
  • "It is I, Leclerc!"

This page is still under construction -- other characters are being added as time permits.

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